Good news

I finally got the results and while I do have a small kidney stone in the right kidney, I do NOT have anything else. This is good news of course. I have now had an ultrasound, a CT scan, a gastroscopy, and a colonoscopy and no one knows why I have such terrible gas and indigestion. I am at my wits end trying to figure out what to do next. Of course, the doctor called while I was out and I will have to make a new appointment to find out what to do next. I am not giving up. I may try a naturopath next to see if eastern medicine can help me.

My DH has the flu which means that the Canada Day long weekend has been a bit of a bust. Like most men, he is totally incapable when sick. I am still getting over a cold, but I am the Mother and so I just keep going.

I have been kind of sick of myself lately. I have been focusing too much on the negative. In my blog I often complain. I guess I need the opportunity for the support, but I am worried that it takes too much space in my head.

My youngest is at a truely adorable age. Yes, he does get frustrated at times, but I love the soft bable of protospeech. His soft ululations can be quite adorable. We are thinking about getting him into part-time daycare in September. There is a new school that is based on reggio emilia and looks great.

My oldest is home for the summer and did so well in Montessori school that we gave him a Lego Firehouse (over 600 pieces). He LOVES it. He did a great job building it, with help of course. He is such a straight arrow. His teacher thinks that he will be a police officer when he grows up.
He is thrilled that his little brother is now old enough for time outs. You could practically sell him a ticket to watch it.

They are both such sweet boys. I am so lucky that I was given this gift. I am not religious in a formal sense, but I am thankful every day that the universe sent them my way. I have been reading a lot of blogs lately where other women are on the same journey that I took. They are finished with their own eggs and looking to find donors. I wish I had a way of making that road easier and guaranteeing them the outcomes that they so desperately seek. I don't know if it is helpful to know that someone else made it? I hope it is!

Back from Hiding

Well, as you may have noticed I have not been around for a while. I finally had a colonoscopy and gastroscopy. I had two polyps removed and now I am waiting to see if, well, you know. The Dr thought everything went fine. He thinks something might be pushing against my stomach. I am going for a CT on Monday. I am scared shitless. I know something is wrong. I can feel it. Now a days you get demerol and valium before the colonoscopy (drugs can be your friend), but there was something in there that hurt even through the meds and that is not normal.

I have been focusing lately on not being busy for the sake of being busy. So often we validate ourselves based on how busy we are. I am refocusing on trying to appreciate the little things.

My youngest is such a joy these days. He is working on speaking and has the biggest smile you can imagine. I am so lucky in so many ways. I just have to hope that my luck holds!

Unusual Art

I was reading Macleans, which is a well known Canadian news magazine and it had a great article about some unusual art. Deb Wiles has a new project which is a collection of 52 bronze castings of vulva. I kid you not. She had her friends create casts and new art was created.

I loved it. Go and have a look. I have to admit I had never thought about the individual differences. I will also admit that it inspired me to have a look at mine; something I have not done since my last episiotomy.

I think that I look more like "Mama 11 07 01". What about you?

SAHM vs WOHM

Okay lots has already been said about this. I have to admit that after my first was born I worked part-time and I have not worked at all since my second was born. I know that for some families it is just not a choice. Some women need to work and all of the research shows that kids do fine in daycare. For me, although the transition was rough, I wanted to spend more time with my kids after it took so long to get them. I always thought that the real advantage was that you had a better life pace as a SAHM. It was not a crisis if some one was sick and you could give someone a day at home when they needed one. Sometimes when you are little, it is just too much and you need a comfort day at home.

But I just read an article in Macleans that was very interesting, sorry no web link was available. The author Katherine Mecklam argues that it is unwise to be a SAHM because of the huge financial impact. If your husband gets sicks, dies, loses his job or divorces you, you can have a huge decline in your standard of living. With divorce rates at about 50%, you need to know that a women who stays out more that 3 years has very little chance of a salary close to her previous earnings. In Canada you can have 7 years at home per kid without it affecting your average salary for the government pension, but your earnings are unlikely to be a anything close to your previous level. Very Interesting.

Of course, I cannot imagine that my husband and I would ever divorce and good financial planning means that we are in good shape if we have other problems. It is information that I would want to know if my relationship was rocky.

I have been looking for a part-time job and cannot imagine working full-time. We really do punish women and children.

A Shitty Day

I think that I have recovered from my rejection. I really want a part-time job and not contracts. I guess I will just wait for the perfect job or not work outside the home at all. I don't need the money and I might be able to swing never working for pay again. I am lucky.

Thursday was a less than lucky day. DH and I were upstairs talking after dinner. My 5 year old, BB, was downstairs in our kids space playing, and our 16 month old LB was there too. All of a sudden LB starts to cry loudly. DH runs down to see what has happened. He picks up LB and he is covered in shit. LB somehow managed to climb onto the plastic kitchen, and somehow sits down or falls in a way that causes the very full diaper to explode all over the burners on the toy kitchen (see pictures). Yes, the burners are now full of shit. Yes, this is the deluxe model with the talking burners, so we cannot just hose it all down. I am going to have to pick it all out or risk ruining it. So, the kitchen is sitting in the garage awaiting cleaning. This would be a good point to laugh. Go ahead, everyone else has. I would also appreciate ideas on how to clean it. Maybe I could tape some of the electrical stuff and then hose it?

So one very poopy boy goes off for a bath. DH and I are upstairs in the bathroom taking care of the evidence when all of a sudden I pull a muscle in my back. Luckily, DH was right there to take LB because I literally crawled away. I was in agony. I was barely able to move and in fact DH had to stay home Friday because I could not pick all 23lbs of LB up. I am better now and will be back to normal by Monday. Life has been eventful lately.

Good New and Bad News

The good news is that I don't have Celiac, yeah! The bad news is that we still don't know what I have, sooo, today I had what they call a small bowel follow through. You go and drive the delicious barium drink (only 30 oz) and then they take pictures every half an hour until it reaches the large intestine. I unfortunately had to have an extra 8 oz because they really couldn't believe that it was taking so long. I held my nose. Oh and forget about reading we would like you to walk to help it digest. I am told that the record is 6 hours, but I was done in just over 4.

On the other hand, I realise how lucky I am because the other person who was taking the test at the same time was only 2 weeks old; a beautiful little girl. The hospital waiting room is not exactly the most fun place to care for a small child.

Well I get the results in just 2 weeks or so. I did read "La Cuicina" while I walked and waited. It was a good read and not at all what I expected. Lots of juicy sex and great food.

The other news is that I had a job interview for a short-term contract and it was the interview from hell. The first part was fine but then came in the technical expert. She asked things like "Why did this company hire you?" with the undertext being "You have a BA and not a math or CS degree how could you have been worthy?." What version of Windows did you use when you used DBIII and Clipper, um, 15 years ago? WTF! Oh and she had a heavy accent and so sometimes I had to ask her to repeat her questions. She had me rattled so that when she did get to relevant questions I was all thrown off. I think I will put off my plans to search for childcare. F@*k! I wanted them to offer me the job so that I could reject them. They were not supposed to reject me. Sigh! Luckily I had yoga that night and was able to relax and let it go.

World's worst dinner guest!

I am still waiting to hear my test results from Dr. Child Hater. He thinks that I might have Celiac disease . What a bummer!

I already have a long list of allergies including: milk (typical for celiac); strawberries; melons; shellfish; and some lifesaving drugs. I have started to do some reading and unfortunately, many of the cookbooks talk about how even a very small amount can be very contaminating. One person suggested no wheat flour in the house. Yikes. Bye-bye most restaurants.

I freely confess that I am not a great cook. This is going to set me back as I lose what is in my current repetoire. Okay, I am feeling better. I sleep more. But I want you to know that this sucks sh*t.