Watching TV

Hey,

I had a victory tonight. I am here instead of watching TV.

Yeah!

Telling

This is the summer that I am going to tell my eldest about his conception. I researched that kids usually do better if told before they are 9. He is 8. I have no idea how I am going to broach the subject. I think that I will go to a psychologist for advice and to work on my feelings.

I do have a book meant for a young kid that tells the story in a very simple way. I could use that.

What would you do?

Women, Food and G.d by Geneen Roth.

Okay, I have to start by admitting to having seen Geneen Roth on Oprah. I know that can be off putting for some, but I have to admit that I do watch occasionally. Now, Geneen Roth has written a number of books about compulsive eating that I have not read, but this one was great. I have long been a fan of NOT dieting as I always gain weight on diets. I find that conscious eating is the way for me. But over the last couple of years my weight has been on a gradual slide up and I was not happy. I felt helpless and ashamed. Reading WFG was just what I needed. It reminded me of the rules of eating. Her list is:

1) Eat only when you are hungry.
2) Eat sitting down in a calm environment. (Not the car)
3) Eat without distractions. No TV, reading, radio, or anxiety producing conversation.
4) Eat what your body wants.
5) Eat until you are satisfied.
6) Eat in the full view of others.
7) Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.

WFG talks about how we eat for oblivion. We need to escape the present moment, but eating does not help us if we get fat and unhappy. You need to be comfortable with living in the now. I have had to do a lot of work examining the lies that my brain tells me. You know how it goes. The kids are acting up and your brain says “I cannot stand this for another minute. I must start yelling right now. They should behave differently. I am a failure as a parent. I need a cookie...”.
I am working on stopping, and looking at what my brain is saying because I can stand it. Yelling does not help. I am not a failure. I am also not hungry.

I have tried to extend her rules to my replacement for seeking oblivion. I watch too much TV and I don’t really enjoy it. So here is my version of the rules for TV.

1) Watch TV only when you want to see what is on TV.
2) Watch only shows that you enjoy - physically, mentally and spiritually.
3) Stop watching when you are not enjoying it.

I cannot say that I have had complete success with the TV, but I have lost more than 5 pounds.

DH Away

My DH is away right now. He was supposed to be away for 1 week, but it has been extended twice. I don't know if I have posted about what a great guy that I have. I am still as blissfully in love with him as I was when we first met. We rarely argue and he is kind. He works too much, but not by choice. His job is like drinking from a fire hose.

I miss him so much. He is so pissed to be away. It is the downside of the happy marriage that it sucks to be apart. I am not sleeping well. It is hard to talk about him being away without complaining. I guess that it is just part of life that you form attachments and separation is hard.

I have been working on acceptance. You know, not letting the hard stuff grind on you even after it is done. I am not saying that I am great at it, but it is coming. I have also been working on fear. I realized how much of the time I am afraid. When there is nothing real to worry about I find something imaginary to fret over. The "what if..." crap is so painful. I have been working on noticing that it is happening. I don't resist it. I don't react. I just notice it. You know like "Here I am in my body, in my car, driving down the road, in this direction. I am having these fearful thoughts. This is fear. Okay." I find that the fear fades, not always completely, but it is less.

I had an epiphany with the dog. One evening about 2 months ago we were out on a walk. He was barking and lunging at another dog and it took me to a level 10 of frustration. I reached my breaking point and strangely I let go. I accepted that this is how the dog is and it set me free. It made me relax which helped the dog. I also broke my silence and reached out and hired a dog trainer. I found out that I can ask for help and you what, I got help. The dog trainer has made a world of difference. I am enjoying the dog because now I am in control. I can walk the dog without worrying about him attacking another dog. I can enjoy the walk. It is a gift.

Unexplained Weirdness

We live in a neighborhood with a lot of trees and since it is Canada I have 3 huge maples in my yard. I hired someone to do a first go at my leaves and they piled 25 bags of leaves at the end of my driveway for recycling on Tuesday. We can easily fill 40 bags of leaves before the season is over. I was getting ready for bed at about 11 when I heard someone outside and the dog confirmed that there was someone out there. So I look out and was dumbfounded. There was a man putting bags of leaves into a tiny car. He took 20 bags of leaves. He put them in his truck, his back seat and even in the front seat. He noticed us watching him and waved in a "I am not a mass murdered kind of way". Of course, we had no plans for these leaves and he was welcome to them.

The question of the week is "What do you do with 20 bags of leaves?"

Thank you

Have I told you, my loyal reader that I have made 4 cents with AdSense already. Yes! Early retirement here I come.

;-)

The Stupids

So, have I mentioned that I am perimenopausal? No? Well, I don't actually remember if I told you because these days I have been big into being confused and stupid. I don't know if it is lack of sleep or maybe the flu that has visited us in the last week but I am annoying myself. I have been doing the wake around 4 thing that is common with perimenopause. Sleep used to be easy for me. I resent that I keep surfacing in the wee hours of the night. I used to have a reasonably sharp brain. How the hell could I go back to work like this? Not that I have any immediate plans. Today I am not liking myself as much.

Oh and I mentioned this to my naturopath who suggested I need to cut back on sugar and caffeine. I have dropped my once a day cup of green tea. I am already on a low sugar diet. I don't want to go sugar free. I guess I just need to nut up and do it.

I have also been irritable. I cuffed both the dog and my youngest son this week. Well neither was a heavy blow I loath that I did it. I am loosing my cool. I am definitely in an "I suck" place today.

Please feel free to suggest anything that you have heard might help me. I will consider anything that is not surgical or illegal.