A while ago I wrote a blog (I hate my dog) that revealed some of the dark feeling I had about my dog. As it usually is, blogging was quite therapeutic and made me realize that I was angry with my dog for getting old and being angry made me feel guilty. This helped me a lot. My focus changed and I started to accept him for who he was and not for who I wanted him to be (immortal). He has so many great traits. But, now he is on the maximum pain meds and they and not doing what we hoped any more. To get up he now has to roll his back end to get it underneath and he doesn't always make it the first time. It is time to let go. In so many ways he is still the puppy that I found, near death from starvation, at the end of the driveway when I went to get the Sunday paper. Tonight when I came home from yoga he did his usual circle of happiness, ears open, head down, stuffed animal in his mouth. He wants to be petted, but only after he does each circuit around the house. Crazy dog!
I have made the appointment. I cried through the phone call. I asked the questions, got the answers and this weekend I am going to let him go. I am going to miss that big gentle black lab.
Now I have to figure out how to share the news with my sons. My 5 yr old knows that the dog is sick. I want to be as honest as possible. Do you tell you kids that you are putting the dog or just that he died. I am a stickler for honesty. I even struggle with Santa and the Easter bunny. I wish I knew what would be the best way to go.
