I don't want to play with my kids!

Okay, that is not entirely accurate. I do play with my kids, but there is a part of me that cannot stand it. It hurts. I set timers so that I can get through it. I enjoy it, but it is almost like I am going to get punished if I don't stop. It is a relief when it is over. It is better when we are doing something that is educational or if the kids are not having too much fun. I have no idea why. I know that my mother and father did not play with me, especially when I was younger. I played with my siblings. I did chores with my Dad to spend time with him. There was a feeling of being tolerated. I don't want to be like this! Does anyone else feel this way? I also have a hard time tuning in when they want me. I am slightly hard of hearing. I don't want to be interrupted when I am concentrating on something. But, I hate it when the kids show the same behaviour to me. I know this is part of why my youngest misbehaves. He can feel my indifference. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my kids. I am warm and loving with them, just please don't ask me to play.