Yes, I have not been here for a while. I am still reading other people's blogs, but I have not been posting. Sometimes I think about posting, but...
So, I agreed to have a Xmas bash on the 27th for my family. In addition to dinner for 14, I had 4 people sleep over that night and then 2 stayed a second night. My 84 year old Mother with Alzheimer's was the most helpful person. A few helped get the meal on the table, but after dinner I was on we were on our own. Now, I did refuse my Mother's help in front of the others, but no one did more than 5 minutes of clean up. I cleaned my kitchen for over 2 hours with my husband while my family partied on. I had to clean up, I had 8 people to feed breakfast in the morning. After I had been cleaning for an hour, one of my sisters sauntered in and told me "We are tired and are going to bed. See you in the morning." My other sister came into the kitchen and talked to me for 20 minutes while I cleaned. She said "I am waiting for the others to be done in the bathroom".
I feel like, well like, I slept with them and they did not respect me in the morning.
To top if off, the sister who stayed over 2 nights was a bitch to my mother. I know that Alzheimer's is frustrating, but she is my mother and I don't like hearing someone talk to her like that. She was impatient and rude with her. My Mother is is sweet and gentle lady. I am mad at myself for not being more direct with her when she did it. It was just kind of shocking. My sister does have some rather severe health issues of her own, but I will NEVER have them both to stay again. I will not have that repeated in my house.
Maybe I am off the mark? Would you expect family that was staying in your home to help you clean up? Maybe I would have refused the help, but I would have liked if someone had offered.
All I know is, when someone suggests this next year, I will have other plans.
2 comments:
My mom's Alzheimer's only gets frustrating when my mom is being angry and argumentative. Otherwise, the questions or stories she repeats we all listen respectfully and ask the appropriate questions as if it was the first time we've heard it.
As for helping out, I would definitely feel put out in your situation. When someone starts clearing the table, there's always several pair of hands to help. Even the men get involved taking the leaves out of tables and storing the chairs. If there is a "next time" I think you should simply delegate. It makes them out to be the a-holes if they refuse.
You are right. You need to ask for what you want in life. I allowed myself to be used in a way that did not feel good. I should have spoken up.
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