Is it really that long since my last post?
I have been doing mental posting. You know, you write the post in your mind but you never actually type it in. It is not as rewarding as actually posting and getting comments.
Today's mental post was about my Xmas gift from my DH, um, not last year but the year before. He gave me a red chair and ottoman. In leather of course, since he prefers leather. I liked it actually except for one small point, while both were the same colour, the ottoman was sewn with a different colour of thread. One has red thread and the other white thread. I noticed it right away and suggested that we should pack the ottoman up before it got scratched as we would need to return it. My DH said, "no, let's not bother". He couldn't be bothered returning it. I didn't even realize that it bugged me. I thought about it a lot and realized the obvious. It sucks that he didn't feel my getting what I wanted was too much trouble.
Don't get me wrong. We are happily married. I am not usually big on gifts and stuff in general. But when I walk into the room and see the furniture, I feel like... like I mattered less to him than I thought. This is a lot to put on a little ottoman. I have ostrasized the ottoman. I, of course, have arranged the room so that they are not together. Maybe other people don't notice the thread? Maybe it is just thread? Maybe he didn't hear me and understand my feelings, when I suggested returning it. Guys can be dense that way.
Sometimes it can be hard to let go of these things. So here I am. What do I do? Get rid of the furniture some how? Not so likely, the room needs the chair. I need to accept it and let go of it. What am I telling myself that this matters?
He doesn't care about how I feel. - Nope this is false
The room looks bad - Nope this is false
I absolutely would not want to hurt him by telling him this. It would be pointless. I cannot change the past. I don't want to spend money on a replacement. Am I bothered because I didn't express my feelings clearly at the time or that I was embarrased? Why didn't I stand up and ask for a new one at the time?
Ug, this is unresolved. What about you? Tell me what you would do?