Flashbacks

I am a big fan of "A Little Pregnant". Julie and Paul have such honesty and they have travelled the road that I have been on. She had a blog recently, Whisper words of wisdom that gave me such horrid flashbacks to my first 3 unsuccessful IVF treatments. I know that numbers 4 and 5 were successful, but that does not reduce the awfulness of the first 3 failures. Luckily for me my marriage was improved by the treatments, we pulled together and not apart.

I remember the first one, holy crap, the pain and fear. It was overwhelming. Someone needs to write a book with step by step survival instructions. I just remember how I felt like everyone was talking from far away and how I was sure that I was not taking everything in. It really strikes at the core of what you think of yourself when you are not able to get pregnant by getting lucky on a Saturday night.

I am so happy to have the family that I have. I sometimes wish I had a girl, but I am NEVER going through that again. I am DONE! I hated being pregnant. Of course, I was sick as dog through the whole thing both times. I had complications that were horrible. I had the worst whole body rash during the second one. Thank god for oatmeal baths! I had the experience of going to neonatal specialists. I can remember one doctor saying "Do not look up this test on the internet. Just wait for the results." Surprisingly I obeyed, at least until after the results came back negative. What a nightmare!

Oh man, it was just such a painful, wrenching time. My two boys are totally great and certainly worth it. I no longer have the angry moments when I think of my path. But hearing about Julie going through it. I hope that she is having an easier time. My thoughts are with her and Paul.

Judge Not...well...judge a little bit.

Okay, I know that it is hard to discuss other people's parenting styles without seeming like a total bi-otch but I was watching Surviving Motherhood and I heard something that made my eyes want to bug out.

There was a mother of a two year old and she was having problems with her girl running amok. Her husband wanted to spank, but she didn't. One of the woman, a sane one, talked about time out and consistentcy. She wasn't interested. Another woman talked about using PINCHING. This is what this woman thought was what she would try. ARGH! What the F**K!

Here is what I think is wrong.

1. Using pain and humiliation does not raise a child that is whole and kind. It raises a kid that is resentful. Your kid will behave irratically if your punishment is not fair, consistent and compassionate.
2. You and your husband need to agree to a strategy. Get together when your daughter is NOT listening. Write it down on a piece of paper. Apply what you decide like it is the word of G*d. Do it each and every time for a long time, at least 2 weeks, a month is better. After that review it and change it if you want to.
3. Consistency is of vital importance. Do what you say every time. Never break your word, and I mean NEVER. You cannot say "I am too tired this time." This is your kid and it is important every time. No excuses. Enforce the behaviour no matter what the reason is for it. Okay, fevers excepted, but other than that you must persist. Believe me, it is worth it.
4. Keep your cool. Going apeshit actually reinforces the behaviour because it is exciting. It may not be fun, but it is not boring.
5. Use simple terms to describe what you want. "Come here now" and not "Where are you going?" Small kids don't actually get everything that you say. Use simple, direct, firm commands for direction.

I find that it helps if I think of my kids as little scientists. They are just conducting experiments to see what happens. They are not actually out to get you.

Okay, I feel better now. But holly crap, Pinching!

Blogging etiquette

I wish I knew of a blog that told blogging etiquette. I mean. What are the rules of polite behaviour.

Sometimes it seems like reading a blog is most like evesdropping on a conversation. When is it okay to comment? Should you comment to say hello when you like someone.

There are blogs that I have commented on, but sometimes I wish I knew the rules.

Back from the Cottage

I am back from 5 days at my Mother's cottage. It was just my Mother, my sister and my two young kids. For the most part it was good. My sister is a bit tightly wound and was worrying about stuff that is beyond her control. It can be hard to relax when you are with a whirling top. All this pointless grind. On the other hand she was playing with the kids and I got in a few adult conversations.

The worst part of the whole event was the end. My mother is having the cottage painted. So it turned out that after my sister left we had to empty the closets and stuff like that. We talked and I told her what we had time to do before we left. I understood that she wanted to do more purging while going through the closets, but I wanted to leave so that we could do the 3 hour drive in daylight and in rhythm with the 4 hour cycles of my nine month old. Now mother has a very bad back, degenerative disks, and cannot do a lot of physical work. So I have to do all of the heavy work and keep and eye on the kids.

At 2 I tell her, "Mum we have to go now." She agrees with me, but keeps doing chores. This repeats a few more times. Finally, at 3 pm I have a very upset baby who has been in the car seat a while and the car is NOT MOVING and she is still puttering about. I was unhappy. Okay, I raised my voice a bit at my 78 yr old mother and told her we had to go. The word "please" was used, but it was a bit more emphatic than polite. Now lets be clear that she has always been like this and is not likely to change, but the passive aggressive, do one thing and say another is hard to take. It left a bad taste in my mouth. What can you do? You cannot pick your family.

Oh, an update on the wiping of the bottom. The lure of the toys finally won. My husband promised him a Playmobil Police Station if he wiped his own bum for a week. My oldest has now wiped his bottom two days in a row. Yippee!