Friday, September 22, 2006

Judge Not...well...judge a little bit.

Okay, I know that it is hard to discuss other people's parenting styles without seeming like a total bi-otch but I was watching Surviving Motherhood and I heard something that made my eyes want to bug out.

There was a mother of a two year old and she was having problems with her girl running amok. Her husband wanted to spank, but she didn't. One of the woman, a sane one, talked about time out and consistentcy. She wasn't interested. Another woman talked about using PINCHING. This is what this woman thought was what she would try. ARGH! What the F**K!

Here is what I think is wrong.

  1. Using pain and humiliation does not raise a child that is whole and kind. It raises a kid that is resentful. Your kid will behave irratically if your punishment is not fair, consistent and compassionate.
  2. You and your husband need to agree to a strategy. Get together when your daughter is NOT listening. Write it down on a piece of paper. Apply what you decide like it is the word of G*d. Do it each and every time for a long time, at least 2 weeks, a month is better. After that review it and change it if you want to.
  3. Consistency is of vital importance. Do what you say every time. Never break your word, and I mean NEVER. You cannot say "I am too tired this time." This is your kid and it is important every time. No excuses. Enforce the behaviour no matter what the reason is for it. Okay, fevers excepted, but other than that you must persist. Believe me, it is worth it.
  4. Keep your cool. Going apeshit actually reinforces the behaviour because it is exciting. It may not be fun, but it is not boring.
  5. Use simple terms to describe what you want. "Come here now" and not "Where are you going?" Small kids don't actually get everything that you say. Use simple, direct, firm commands for direction.

I find that it helps if I think of my kids as little scientists. They are just conducting experiments to see what happens. They are not actually out to get you.

Okay, I feel better now. But holly crap, Pinching!

1 comment:

S. said...

I found your blog via TKO and just wanted to say thanks for this post.
We're not close to having to discipline yet (K is just over 6 months) but your outline is very simple and to the point.