Choices

Today I have been thinking about short term and long term decision making. I read this article in Macleans magazine "Addition: New research suggests it is a choice". and it fascinated me. It suggests that addiction is not a disease but instead is a problem in personal choice. The fault lies with choosing long term verses short term benefits on behaviors. I have no idea if he is correct, but the short term verses long term benefit on decisions is something that I struggle with for sure. We have all had that moment, the bowl of ice cream or fitting into those pants. (By the way, today I took the ice cream. You cannot bring home a new carton of ice cream without tasting it. What if it was bad?) Why is it so difficult? Is it cultural? I know I struggle with teaching this to my kids. Hmm.

A better day

I am in a better place today. I decided to accept that I was feeling bad. I went back and listened to some of Oprah's web casts and reminded myself about being present. It helped. Today I am back to feeling more present and more myself.

I also went out and bought a pair of size 10 pants. It was part of accepting that I have put on a few pounds. Yes, I am shallow and vain. I preferred being a size 6. I have no idea why I have put on the weight. It does not matter. What matters is eating right today and exercising today.

I have not done a recent update on my 101 things in 1001 days but I will try to soon. I have made good progress on my goals. I have also decided to change the way that I measure success. Some of my goals required counting how many times I did something and I going to ditch that. I want instead to look at whether or not something is in my routine. I am looking for behavioural change and not blind obedience.

I have to run and get my son from school. Have a nice day.

Blah.

I have been feeling down. I have been feeling fat. It is probably hormonal but everything has felt difficult and annoying. I hate to give in to a mood like that. I feel out of sync somehow. Everything is gritty. As Hamlet said "How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. Seem to me all the uses of this world? "

Here I am with everything and yet if feels like nothing today. I am tired of feeling this way. I don't know what it is that I want. I am sick of myself. Is this restlessness?

Today, I suck.