DH Away

My DH is away right now. He was supposed to be away for 1 week, but it has been extended twice. I don't know if I have posted about what a great guy that I have. I am still as blissfully in love with him as I was when we first met. We rarely argue and he is kind. He works too much, but not by choice. His job is like drinking from a fire hose.

I miss him so much. He is so pissed to be away. It is the downside of the happy marriage that it sucks to be apart. I am not sleeping well. It is hard to talk about him being away without complaining. I guess that it is just part of life that you form attachments and separation is hard.

I have been working on acceptance. You know, not letting the hard stuff grind on you even after it is done. I am not saying that I am great at it, but it is coming. I have also been working on fear. I realized how much of the time I am afraid. When there is nothing real to worry about I find something imaginary to fret over. The "what if..." crap is so painful. I have been working on noticing that it is happening. I don't resist it. I don't react. I just notice it. You know like "Here I am in my body, in my car, driving down the road, in this direction. I am having these fearful thoughts. This is fear. Okay." I find that the fear fades, not always completely, but it is less.

I had an epiphany with the dog. One evening about 2 months ago we were out on a walk. He was barking and lunging at another dog and it took me to a level 10 of frustration. I reached my breaking point and strangely I let go. I accepted that this is how the dog is and it set me free. It made me relax which helped the dog. I also broke my silence and reached out and hired a dog trainer. I found out that I can ask for help and you what, I got help. The dog trainer has made a world of difference. I am enjoying the dog because now I am in control. I can walk the dog without worrying about him attacking another dog. I can enjoy the walk. It is a gift.