Saturday, January 27, 2007

I am my Mother

I used to think that I was a lot like my father. He was a very interesting man. He was the sort of person that we all should be. He was a leader in his church and the community. He lived his beliefs, was single minded and was stubborn. He also had difficulty with emotions. Although I am not religious, I thought that I had a lot of his traits.

Since his death and our return to Canada I have spent a lot more time with my Mother. She will come and stay with me when my husband travels, which unfortunately is quite often. I was having a chat with her the other day and she was talking about herself and it could have been me. She talked about her inability to make small talk and how she only has a few friends. She talked about how she worries about things that she did in her past, or rather didn't do. We are not talking crimes here, but small social faux pas. It was like looking in a mirror. Okay, I could blame her and pretend "poor me", she was a bad example. But at 40+ that does not wash for me. I know that I am often inconsistent keeping contact with my friends. I know, I keep moving 1ooo's of kilometers, but I don't seem to find the time to write emails or even blog. I hesitate to put myself forward and feel uncomfortable. I guess we all have those feelings. I do not have to be cut off. It is a choice.

I have PMS big time today. I so felt like growling at the kids. If only I believed that hitting them was effective! Today I really wanted to, hmm, I am not sure what you call it, when you flick you finger against someone. But, luckily I maintained my tenuous grip on reality.

I think that today will probably be the last time that I nurse my son. I am down to just the night feeding. It is the end of an era. I know that it has to happen sooner or later. It is a good thing, but I am totally capable of wanting to stop and wanting to continue. Ain't life grand!


CA Momma said...

Ah yes, I am not alone.

Leggy said...

I'm sorry about your father's death. I saw your comment on Julie's blog re: donating embryos. I have been involved with embryo donation for many years and could give you suggestions on how to approach this. I didn't see an email address listed, but you can go to my site and get my email if you want to find out more info. One place right off the bat I would recommend checking out is Miracles Waiting- they are just a group of parents who've either donated or received embryos, and not affiliated with Snowflakes, etc.