Lentil Soup

I was inspired to post this because Infertile Fantasies posted her own Lentil Soup. I love Lentil Soup and eat it almost every day. This is my variation of a Scottish Lentil Soup. I thought that I should send it to everyone. It is easy, nutritious, and delicious. This makes about 10 cups of soup.

1 Liter or Quart of Organic Chicken Broth (This allows you to skip the boiling of bones, careful that it has no more than 750 mg of sodium or the soup might be too salty)
2 Medium Carrots
1 Leek
1 Bayleaf
Pepper to taste
1 cup / 250 mg of red lentils (cook faster than green)

Add broth to large pot, add lentils and bring to boil. Add bayleaf and pepper. Grind or chop carrots (depending on how thick you like your soup). Wash and Chop Leek. Remove foam from soup. Add carrots and leeks. If you are not a fan of leeks, which taste like very mild onions only better, you can substitute an onion. But you will need to sauté onions until translucent before adding to soup. Stir occasionally. Allow to simmer for 1 to 1.5 hours or until carrots and lentils are tender.

Once simmering is done, I have been known to add leftover chicken/veggies from the fridge. I have also added curry spices too. This makes for a hearty soup. I hope that you enjoy this as much a I do.

101 things in 1001 days

I was reading A daily dose of Zen Sarcasm and I came across this great post about trying (and perhaps failing) to make changes. I comes from Day Zero. Here is the explanation, which I stole.


The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.


So here is my list. I reserve the right to change it. I will let you know what I have done or learned each month. I know that some of them will be hard to measure, but I will try.

General

1		Make this list √
2		Do a monthly list evaluation (0/34)

Car

3		Clean the inside of my car (1/30)
4		Drive 5 km/h slower to reduce emissions

Charity

5		Do work for a charity
6		Write to my foster child in Africa
7		Write to my foster child in SA

Family / Personal

8		Ask directly for what I want
9		Believe, think, talk and act positively
10		Decide what to do with my frozen embryos
11		Get closure on evil Uncle K
12		Have a family outing once a month
13		Have more contact with my oldest sister
14		Have my mother over once a month
15		Make birthday dr appointments for boys
16		Plan fun things to do in the summer
17		Say “Please” more
18		Update my medical alert bracelet
19		Wear makeup everyday for 2 weeks

Health and Fitness

20		Buy a new weight scale
21		Do months breast exam
22		Do more yoga (2x week)
23		Drink more water
24		Get a massage once a month
25		Get my eyebrows done 3x
26		Go a week without sugar
27		Go to bed before 11 at least 4x a week
28		Monthly massage
29		Reorganize my weekly schedule
30		Try pilates
31		Work on posture (stretch for 5 min every day)

Food / House

32		Bake once a week
33		Create my own cookbook of things we like to eat.
34		Eat more organic foods
35		Clean kitchen before bed 5x a week
36		Clean out 3 kitchen cupboards
37		Do a clothing purge
38		Do more gardening
39		Finish configuring new laptop
40		Follow cleaning schedule
41		Get dataloc for my laptop
42		Get pda connected to new laptop
43		Get rid of old VCR tapes
44		Go back on cash only for a month
45		Learn how to bake the hearty bread that I like to eat
46		Paint deck
47		Patch holes in family room wall
48		Purge desk
49		Purge furnace room
50		Put up whiteboard
51		Rearrange laundry room
52		Replace downstairs bathroom fan
53		Replace downstairs toilet
54		Replace Master bathroom fan
55		Replace Master toilet
56		Replace toilets
57		Replace weatherstripping on front and side door
58		Stop using plastic grocery bags
59		Touch up paint in hallway

Kids

60		Become a foster parent
61		Open bank accounts for boys
62		Potty train LB
63		Read book on parenting boys
64		Read book on praising boys
65		Sign up kids for swimming
66		Start teaching my youngest french

Leisure

67		Blog once a week (average)
68		Buy a new winter coat (one my size)
69		Create scrapbook for BB
70		Date my husband once a month
71		Donate excess yarn
72		Finish kids journal
73		Finish scrapbook for LB
74		Fix kids journal db
75		Fly both of my new kites
76		Get a dog
77		Get a singing prayer bowl (in C/ root chakra)
78		Get my Irish passport
79		Go to 5 hockey games
80		Go to the Opera
81		Have an outdoor family vacation
82		Learn 2 new Harold Arlen songs
83		Mediate 3 times a week
84		Piano lessons
85		Pick up french again
86		Post 10 books on BookMooch
87		Read a nonfiction book every month
88		Read Reggio Emilia book
89		Register the birth of my sons in Ireland
90		Start having something to do while watching tv
91		Start knitting again
92		Take a pottery class
93		Visit Portland on vacation
94		Work on family tree
95		Write an email to a friend once a week

Work

96		Do certification exam 1 (If I am ever going back to work then I need to keep up.)
97		Do certification exam 2
98		Do certification exam 3
99		Do certification exam 4
100		Learn Java
101		Write Java exam

My IVF Past

I look at the detailed summaries that others post of their IVF cycles with awe. I have trouble even remembering how many times we tried. I am pretty sure that we tried 3 times before we did two successful DE cycles. I know we did all the usual tests, took the drugs and here we are now, but I could not give you a coherent description of it. I guess that it was the stress. I know that it was a nightmare of stress and worry. I know that it put my marriage under huge stress and luckily for us we came through it together, stronger and more in love. The first IVF was horrible and we were like two people drifting along in a fog. During the second IVF we had a huge fight. DH forgot to come home to give me a shot. He met an old friend and went out for a drink. (This was in the days before cell phones.) On his way home he remembered and came home horribly upset. He totally freaked out and so did I. When I saw him cry, I realized that he really loved me. He was in over his head too. From that point on we worked together on all of it. It made our marriage.

The needles are the thing that I remember most about our treatments. Since I am a visual learner, I tried not to watch or even see the needles. My DH humoured me in this fantasy that not watching would make it easier. I did relaxation breathing and tried hard to be calm for my needles. It didn't always work. Much to my later embarrassment, my DH practically had to hold me down one time. Luckily he has about 100 pounds on me. I took a lot of needles. I turned out to need a lot of estrogen, so no patches for me, just shots. I also continued the IVF drugs for the full three months. After a while I was numb from all the shots. It took months to get the feeling back. I also needed the Lovenox twice a day for my APC resistance (blood clotting disorder). I calculated once and I have taken over 1000 needles of Lovenox alone plus about 400 in IVF drugs.

It was worth it, but it is okay if I never do that again.

Update on me

Happy New Year to all of you. I had a very quiet new year. I was awake lying in bed with my DH. We were watching TV. Not exactly a party time, but I am not a party girl. Small children kind of kill that anyway. I don't miss it.

I have been doing much better lately. I have been seeing a Naturopath and she has done wonders. We have done a lot of little changes. My routine has changed. I start each day drinking hot water and lemon. I am taking digestive enzymes with each meal. I am taking fish oil. I end each day with hot ginger or chamomile tea. Sometimes I rub my stomach with castor oil and then put on a heating pad for about an hour. I no longer drink more than a few sips of liquids 1/2 hour before or 1 hour after a meal. I still drink 8 to 10 cups of water a day. Most importantly, I try to have 30 to 35 grams of fibre a day. The increase in fibre has been key. All of these little things and more are working together to make me better. I regularly get 7 or 8 hours of sleep at night. I rarely have to sleep sitting up. My brain is coming back and I am glad, glad, glad. I no longer percolate with gas.

Life is good

Who knew?

It if funny how infertility never goes away. I was reading an Alexand.er Mc.Call Smith novel called "The Right.Attitude to Rain". It is part of his Isabel Dalhousie series. I really like his novels. His books are intelligent and a real pleasure to read. At the end of this book the heroine Isabel who is 42 becomes pregnant from s.e.x. WTF! My reaction really surprised me. I was immediately very concerned that something terrible would happen. Luckily I had the next book in the series on hand and it starts after the successful birth of her son. I was never one of those who had a horrible reaction to the pregnancies of others. I was not aware that it bothered me, but I really reacted to this character in a book. Yes I know that it is ridiculous to react to an imaginary person. At first I was terribly concerned that something bad would happen. I was afraid for her. I didn't want her to have a bad experience and when I started the next book and the baby was 3 months old and everything was fine I reacted again. I was upset that the whole pregnancy had been skipped. Didn't the author know that this was the most important part? Obviously it had been uneventful as no one mentioned the pregnancy again in the whole book. I felt jealous of someone who didn't even exist. She got pregnant without trying and it was easy, not even worth discussing.

On a related note. I am 45. I have no fallopian tubes. I used donor eggs for both of my successful pregnancies. My eggs where terrible when I tried my first IVF at 28. I am now 3 weeks late for my period and some sad, sick twisted part of me wonders if I am pregnant. Intellectually I know that it is impossibly unlikely and yet a small part of me still hopes. (The more likely answer is peri-menopause.) The universe must have a really twisted sense of humour. I have never taken a home pregnancy test without immediately getting my period. I never took a home test during ART because I firmly believed that they were cursed. I think that I should go to the store and get a test so that my period will start.

Letting things go

In our journey through life things happen. Some are good and some are definitely not. I have been working on my stuff; mainly so I don't pass it on to my kids. Like so many others, unfortunately, I was a victim of child sexual abuse. It didn't happen often and luckily the worst did not happen, but I was scarred by it. This might be a good place to stop reading.

It was an evil man that we will call "Uncle K". He was not a blood relative not that it matters, and yes he was my uncle. As an adult I have found out that I was not the only one that he touched. I am not sure how old that I was. I know that I could not have been more that 8. He touched my bre@sts and put his hands inside my clothing. One time I remember him putting his hands down my p@nts. I was struggling to get away and another child opening the door and then I escaped.

So much pain came my way because of this man. He is the reason why I never attend the family reunions. He is the reason I am so afraid for my sons.

I don't know how to let go of this. I want to. My problem is that I am afraid that he is still out there preying on children. He has children and grandchildren. Do they know? His wife looks like she has swallowed a bitter pill. Does she know?

I know that he is still evil because he groped me at my fathers funeral 2 years ago.

I don't know where to go from here. I wish that he would die.

End of an Era

Last week the date finally came and it was time to let the dog go. We made the appointment for Friday so that we could have the weekend to help the kids in case they were upset. Of course, it would be easier for us too. I gave him a nice walk and then fed him quite a bit of cheese. My husband came home so that I could go alone with the dog. The dog had always loved me best and I wanted to be there for him. I was trying to be calm because I had to got out to do this thing, but my husband started to cry. DH is such an amazingly caring guy. I am so very lucky to have him.

We arrived for the appointment at the end of the day. I paid the money and since we had decided to have him cremated, I had to fill in forms. One of the assistants showed me a choice of font for the cedar box for the remains and I told her that she would have to pick. I had no opinion. I was still trying to be calm, but obviously it was wearing a bit thin. We got him into the room and onto the table. He has never really minded the vet because she fed him! The vet had these bacon strips and I can tell you he really enjoyed them. I was feeding him bacon strips while she gave him the injection and I don't think he even noticed what she was doing. I was trying not to cry, and failing horribly. Alright, I was bawling and telling him he was a good dog over and over. Finally the vet told me that he was gone. Then I entered the realm of deep sobs. They were very kind and gave me time alone with him. I didn't want to stop petting him because then he would really be gone. Since I had had the foresight to have paid everything I was able to just leave. Of course, I was in no shape to drive even the short distance home so I sat in the car and tried to pull myself together. Another women was just arriving at the vet to pick up the ashes of her late cat. Her cat had died unexpected at home after dental surgery. It helped a lot to share a few moments with her. When I got home, my youngest was just waking up. I was numb.

My youngest in not yet two and so while I tried to explain to him that our dog had died, I am not sure what he understood. I told him the dog was broken and could not be fixed. At one point in the weekend, he patted the dog bed and looked at me questioningly. He was looking like he wanted to say "where is he?" I had put the dog dishes away and he got them out again and wanted me to fill them. I know that he is young enough that the will have no memory of our dog and in a way that hurts even more.

My oldest took the news quite calmly. We had been talking about how sick the dog was and how it did not look like he was getting better. We told him that we took the dog to the vet and that the dog died there. We did not want to get into the issue of putting animals to sleep. He is not yet 6 and I don't think he is ready for the concept. We have been getting questions here and there about heaven. We are not religious, but I believe in heaven. I don't believe in hell but that is a discussion for another day. We talked about him playing with another of our dogs who died before he was born. The next day he told me that he had a dream and that the dog is fine now. I hope that he is right.

My DH and I have been feeling sad. My DH had to go away overnight and the dog was not there. It is funny how it is the habits that trip you up. You think, "Does the dog have enough water?" or "Walk time." and then have that moment of realization again. It was time to let go. He was falling and loosing himself. He was having moments of obvious confusion, despite the drugs. I know we have done the right thing, but I just miss him.