Unexplained Weirdness

We live in a neighborhood with a lot of trees and since it is Canada I have 3 huge maples in my yard. I hired someone to do a first go at my leaves and they piled 25 bags of leaves at the end of my driveway for recycling on Tuesday. We can easily fill 40 bags of leaves before the season is over. I was getting ready for bed at about 11 when I heard someone outside and the dog confirmed that there was someone out there. So I look out and was dumbfounded. There was a man putting bags of leaves into a tiny car. He took 20 bags of leaves. He put them in his truck, his back seat and even in the front seat. He noticed us watching him and waved in a "I am not a mass murdered kind of way". Of course, we had no plans for these leaves and he was welcome to them.

The question of the week is "What do you do with 20 bags of leaves?"

Thank you

Have I told you, my loyal reader that I have made 4 cents with AdSense already. Yes! Early retirement here I come.

;-)

The Stupids

So, have I mentioned that I am perimenopausal? No? Well, I don't actually remember if I told you because these days I have been big into being confused and stupid. I don't know if it is lack of sleep or maybe the flu that has visited us in the last week but I am annoying myself. I have been doing the wake around 4 thing that is common with perimenopause. Sleep used to be easy for me. I resent that I keep surfacing in the wee hours of the night. I used to have a reasonably sharp brain. How the hell could I go back to work like this? Not that I have any immediate plans. Today I am not liking myself as much.

Oh and I mentioned this to my naturopath who suggested I need to cut back on sugar and caffeine. I have dropped my once a day cup of green tea. I am already on a low sugar diet. I don't want to go sugar free. I guess I just need to nut up and do it.

I have also been irritable. I cuffed both the dog and my youngest son this week. Well neither was a heavy blow I loath that I did it. I am loosing my cool. I am definitely in an "I suck" place today.

Please feel free to suggest anything that you have heard might help me. I will consider anything that is not surgical or illegal.

In half an hour

Last night around 10 pm I thought that I would go to bed. I was tired and wanted to get to bed in decent time for once. I thought first I should take out the garbage as Friday is garbage day. I should tell you that where I live there are 3 types of garbage; recycling; compost and the rest. I had gathered up most of it, so I opened the door and went out with the dog.

I went back for the compost, which I should have emptied yesterday, but... So it was quite full. And... yes, you have guessed by now. The bag split over the kitchen floor. This meant getting a new bag, picking up the rotten food and washing the floor. Oh yes, did you forget the dog, outside by himself? I did. So I go out with the new bag of compost just in time to see the dog disappearing down the street. Luckily for me, he came when he called. I think to myself my luck must be turning.

I go inside and realize that I must empty the dishwasher before adding the dinner dishes. Oh well, that won't take a minute. I pick up a glass and, whoops, it drops from a height of two inches onto a mug and smashes into a thousand pieces inside the dishwasher. Oh, yes, hmmm. Well next I have to clean out the dishwasher. Oh, did you know that my dishwasher has a spot by the door where gunk collects that I didn't know about, with 3 years worth of stuff? Me neither.

Luckily for me I found this handy video.



It turns out that I was not in bed early after all.

Final post on potty training... I hope

The good news is that we are finally there. We are using the potty for all elimination events. I still put him in a pull-up for bed, but he is dry in the morning. I just don't want to be awoken in case of error. In another month I will get rid of the pull-up too. Yeah!

More Potty Training

Here am I, I did not run away. I wanted to, but love kept me here.

We are doing okay. I started giving treats for each of the behaviours. One for pulling down the pants, one for trying, one for succeeding and one for washing your hands. That helped a lot with the don't want to be in the bathroom thing. He has good enough control that he went a whole day at school and waiting to get home before he went. He had a few days where he only wanted to pee at home. He now pees away from home and is even dry at night. Yeah!

Our next obstacle is pooping in the potty. I am giving him the choice of the toilet or a pull-up but I am still changing poopy undies. I now only give potty treats for sitting. I am hoping that he will get comfortable enough sitting to put poop someone less yucky than his clothes.

I am still grateful for what I have. I know that I am lucky, but some things are easier to like than others.

Potty Training

My beautiful 3 year old son is in the middle of potty training. After trying any techniques including: chocolate; treats; toys and threats. We have gone cold turkey.

The pull-ups are gone and the underwear is on. The theory is that eventually he will get tired of peeing on himself.

Yes, it is driving me MAD! He does not WANT to pee. He does not want to sit on the potty. He knows when he is going to pee, but since he has decided not to pee anymore he does not need to sit on the toilet. This leaves me trying to reason with a 3 year old, AARGGH!

Someone very wise once told me that your kids will get you on either food, sleep or potty training. How very wise she was!

What a tremendous opportunity for spiritual growth this has been! How I am being stretched! How I wish it was over!!!

I think that is enough exclamation marks for now!!!!!

Renting a Cottage

We are away on vacation this week. My husband rented the cottage. I think that next time I will get more involved. I wish my DH had asked the questions listed below. Maybe next year...

Things to ask before you rent (The sad answers for this year)

1. How big is the cottage in square feet? (100 Square feet or less)
2. How is it heated? Are all of the rooms heated? (One heater by front door, uh no)
3. Are there electrical outlets in the bedrooms? (Nope, buy a long electrical cord)
4. Do all of the bedrooms have doors? (Nope, do kids bedrooms need doors?)
5. Is it non-smoking? (Sorry, smoking is allowed.)
6. How close is it to any major highways? Can you hear trucks? (Yes and yes)
7. What items are included in the kitchen? (4 of everything, which is not very handy for 4)
8. Do we need linens as well as towels? (Only if you like clean things.)



Note to self on what to bring next time.
Favorite frying pan
Coffee in a filter
Oil
Scrubbing sponge.

We are having fun despite the small and somewhat yucky cabin. Luckily the weather is good. I hope you are all well.

A night out

I went to the Star Trek movie for the second time last night. It was great. I get really involved in a movie. I let go of reality and I am just there. I shriek and squirm. (Yes, it is fun to sit next to me!) I really enjoyed myself.

My sister and I went to the movie together. We had a really nice time. We are over our previous stress over my refusal to be the responsible for taking my mother to the doctor.

My DH has taken the kids to the in-laws this weekend. I am getting a lot of me time this weekend. It is great! I hope you are having an equally nice weekend.

Adding Ads

I want to know about the etiquette of adding ads. I doubt that they will bring me big bucks, but is it vulgar okay? Lots of people do it. Do you? What do you think about it?

Awkward moment

I was doing a Mommy assisted event at my son's school and I ended up with one of those moments where you wish you could have done better. Here is what happened

Other Mom: Hi, I am X
Me: Hi, I'm __. Nice to meet you blah, blah, blah
Other Mom: Which child is yours?
Me: Oh, my child BB other there in the green. Which child is yours?
Other Mom: Oh, my daughter is little X.
Me: I don't know the girls. Which one is she?
Other Mom: Oh, there she is, over there in the red hat.
Me: Oh.

Now, the child she pointed to is of another race. Her father might be of that race or she might be adopted. I had one of those moments where I drew a blank. Maybe in my mind, I was ready to comment something like "She looks like you" or something like that. Instead I drew a blank and felt like a jerk. Sigh.

What should I have said? I suck at small talk.

Forgiveness

I read this in someone else's blog this week, but I lost the link. If you know who it is, please let me know.

'Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.' by Anne Lamott

Wow that is a great one. The truth of this one is clear. I have been repeating it to myself all week. I hope that it helps you too.

Edited to add: Thanks for telling me. It was from Luna's blog.

Choices

Today I have been thinking about short term and long term decision making. I read this article in Macleans magazine "Addition: New research suggests it is a choice". and it fascinated me. It suggests that addiction is not a disease but instead is a problem in personal choice. The fault lies with choosing long term verses short term benefits on behaviors. I have no idea if he is correct, but the short term verses long term benefit on decisions is something that I struggle with for sure. We have all had that moment, the bowl of ice cream or fitting into those pants. (By the way, today I took the ice cream. You cannot bring home a new carton of ice cream without tasting it. What if it was bad?) Why is it so difficult? Is it cultural? I know I struggle with teaching this to my kids. Hmm.

A better day

I am in a better place today. I decided to accept that I was feeling bad. I went back and listened to some of Oprah's web casts and reminded myself about being present. It helped. Today I am back to feeling more present and more myself.

I also went out and bought a pair of size 10 pants. It was part of accepting that I have put on a few pounds. Yes, I am shallow and vain. I preferred being a size 6. I have no idea why I have put on the weight. It does not matter. What matters is eating right today and exercising today.

I have not done a recent update on my 101 things in 1001 days but I will try to soon. I have made good progress on my goals. I have also decided to change the way that I measure success. Some of my goals required counting how many times I did something and I going to ditch that. I want instead to look at whether or not something is in my routine. I am looking for behavioural change and not blind obedience.

I have to run and get my son from school. Have a nice day.

Blah.

I have been feeling down. I have been feeling fat. It is probably hormonal but everything has felt difficult and annoying. I hate to give in to a mood like that. I feel out of sync somehow. Everything is gritty. As Hamlet said "How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. Seem to me all the uses of this world? "

Here I am with everything and yet if feels like nothing today. I am tired of feeling this way. I don't know what it is that I want. I am sick of myself. Is this restlessness?

Today, I suck.

Are they kidding?

Although I would like to be more enlightened right now I am irked!

I need to give you a little background. I have two older sisters we will call A and B. A is the oldest, and she lives about a 6 hour drive away. She is married without children and retired. My other sister, we will call B, is unmarried and child free. Sister B works full-time and has significant chronic health issues. I also have a brother, who has 3 kids and works a lot of hours. Both Sister B and my brother live in the same city as my mother. I live about an 80 minute drive away from my mother. I am lucky enough to have two small children. To visit my mother I must take very busy highways, including a toll road. One of these roads is one of the busiest in North America and often has significant traffic jams.

My mother recently moved into a senior residence. She is at that point in life where she needs more help than she can get living alone. My sisters and I have been taking turns going to the doctor with her because she has trouble with accepting her current medical situation. Without too many details, she needs to take a number of medications for her various conditions. She feels that taking too many medications is a sign of weakness and she should just tough it out. Today the doctor suggested to Sister A that it would be better for consistency if the same person came to all of the doctor visits.

This evening my sisters called and gave me an update on the doctor's visit. They tell me about the doctor's suggestion about only one person attending with mother. I say nothing. They pause. Sister A comes right out and suggests that it be me. I say I don't have time.

Realistically a visit could not take less than 5 hours as I would need to leave early to make time for traffic delays, waiting in the doctor's office etc. I have a son who finishes school at 2:45 pm. Do they know how hard it is to arrange childcare for the occasional mid-day? My husband, who works 80 hours a week, cannot leave work early these days as his company is NOT doing well. What about the winter? Traffic in the winter is often hideous. What about my part-time job? The cost including Toll roads, childcare, and gas, is probably $80 a visit or more?

I cannot really believe that they are suggesting that I be the one to do this. Sister A starts to suggest I could control the time of the doctor appointment to fit my schedule. (Is she kidding?) I repeat to her that I have already said that I don't have time. Silence on the other end.

Am I wrong here? Are they crazy? Do you think that I should pretend that they never suggested it? Sister A has been getting pressure from Sister B to do more. Is she hoping that getting me to do more will make Sister B happier? I think that the only answer is that we cannot have a consistent person to go with my mother to the doctor. My husband thinks that we should move 3000 km away again.

The secret to training kids to sleep

I read this most interesting article about timing and sleep training. Here is a link. It suggests that there are windows of time when children are open to sleep training and times when they are not.

If only I had known!

Gratitude

Today I was grateful for:

My children
The sun shining on me
Having my house cleaned by someone else
Eating soup
Blogging

Here I am

Holy crap!

Is it really that long since my last post?

Sh*t!

I have been doing mental posting. You know, you write the post in your mind but you never actually type it in. It is not as rewarding as actually posting and getting comments.

Today's mental post was about my Xmas gift from my DH, um, not last year but the year before. He gave me a red chair and ottoman. In leather of course, since he prefers leather. I liked it actually except for one small point, while both were the same colour, the ottoman was sewn with a different colour of thread. One has red thread and the other white thread. I noticed it right away and suggested that we should pack the ottoman up before it got scratched as we would need to return it. My DH said, "no, let's not bother". He couldn't be bothered returning it. I didn't even realize that it bugged me. I thought about it a lot and realized the obvious. It sucks that he didn't feel my getting what I wanted was too much trouble.

Don't get me wrong. We are happily married. I am not usually big on gifts and stuff in general. But when I walk into the room and see the furniture, I feel like... like I mattered less to him than I thought. This is a lot to put on a little ottoman. I have ostrasized the ottoman. I, of course, have arranged the room so that they are not together. Maybe other people don't notice the thread? Maybe it is just thread? Maybe he didn't hear me and understand my feelings, when I suggested returning it. Guys can be dense that way.

Sometimes it can be hard to let go of these things. So here I am. What do I do? Get rid of the furniture some how? Not so likely, the room needs the chair. I need to accept it and let go of it. What am I telling myself that this matters?

He doesn't care about how I feel. - Nope this is false
The room looks bad - Nope this is false

I absolutely would not want to hurt him by telling him this. It would be pointless. I cannot change the past. I don't want to spend money on a replacement. Am I bothered because I didn't express my feelings clearly at the time or that I was embarrased? Why didn't I stand up and ask for a new one at the time?

Ug, this is unresolved. What about you? Tell me what you would do?